my happines, not the one sold in boxes
But if necessary, the one sold in boxes.
For I must find happines,
Even if that means less than hers.
How to do so? When one can see she's happy!
Can she see I'm happy too?
Even if less than her.
Less is such a strong word, specially when it describes
happiness, or the lack of it.
The world tells us,
'don't compare yourself to other people'.
I give them credit when it comes to not understanding the wholeness of one's being, but, screw them! For we must do what we must, to live with some peace of mind.
(Once again I glorify relativity).
For just one without peace of mind to understand what it's like to seek for it.
Even if she has already found it.
But what can I do? She's, therefore, not here!
And if the other, that's also not here, is what I need?
For she seems here... and real...
Hence, she's my happines, and just like it too.
Even if invisible.
She has found herself another life
In which there's no space nor need of me.
And all I have left is a space and need and no life of hers.
So, I seek peace of mind,
Even if less than hers.
In that picture:
Life.
Now:
Ilusions, mirages, numbness.
I need that picture
Even if it is less than her.
Maybe I'll find somehow, someway.
And it will not require her,
nor her approval,
and it might grow, grow, grow... grow.
And overcome her.
The shadow to cover her; that will be my oasis.
My resting shadow, the water in a wasteland of sunk dreams.
Who knows how she'll be? Or me?
And then, maybe, I'll even find a way to be happy.
Maybe more than her.
Even if less than her.
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